March 20, 2019

I am part of my school’s trauma-informed teaching team.

At our meeting today, the coach was explaining how kids who have experienced trauma in their lives will shut down or act angry because they’ve been traumatized prior to the classroom.

When one of my students came up as an example, I was told that I make the student feel safe because he doesn’t experience anxiety in my classroom.

And, I cried. I cried because I never saw myself as “safety” for a student before. On my drive home, I started to think about students from past years. Was I “safe” to them?

What a remarkable honor to know that a student feels safe when he is in my classroom!

This truly are the things they don’t teach you in college education classes…

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March 19, 2019

All year I have had to monitor my students’ benchmarking data, which, I used to drive my instruction as the year progressed.

Today, I had to explain in a meeting how to “read” my data differently.

It’s not just about the raw scale scores anymore. It’s about growth, which, ultimately, shows my students are learning from me.

This was a paradigm shift for some in today’s meeting. And, for me, I had an inner celebration: “they’re learning!” 🎉

March 18, 2019

Every other month the wives of our graduated-high-school-together husbands get together for dinner.

It’s glorious. Not only is it a little chunk of time away from the Mom Grind, but we laugh and carry on together.

It really is the best time.

Tonight was one of the “Wives” dinner nights. Every minute of the two hours was wonderful.

March 17, 2019

On our way to mass this morning, my husband and I were explaining about who St. Patrick is and why we celebrate St. Patrick’s Day.

Of course, since the leprechaun visited our home overnight, we had to connect how he relates to St. Patrick.

At this point, my daughter took over the conversation for us, “The leprechaun lives in the sky, guys, with Jesus, God, the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, and Santa. Oh, and the leprechaun is a girl.”

My husband and I smiled in the front seat. It’s amazing how a child perceives how the world works.

March 16, 2019

For a couple years now I’ve been thinking that one more child was in the cards for our family of four.

But, after many conversations with my husband, a look at how much we spend for our two kids’ livelihoods, and an introspective observation on my own medical status (I have type II and depression/anxiety), I don’t think a third child is meant to be for my husband and me.

Therefore I promised my husband I would sort through the 15 bins of baby/toddler clothes and things I’ve saved for the last six years.

Today was that day.

And I cried on multiple occasions.

I explained to my husband that it’s that finality or realizing that the baby phase of our lives has passed behind us now. I enjoy being a mother, and I guess I did not take enough time to breathe in the baby moments enough? Or, if I did, they were few and far between?

Regardless, I need to keep reminding myself that I have two healthy children, both for whom my love overflows.

Closing this slice now…I can feel the tears starting to gather…

March 15, 2019

I’m using today’s slice to document a milestone for my best girl.

Today, my six year-old lost her very first tooth!

She’s been wiggling it for a little over a week now, and as I was bringing all the backpacks in from my car after work, I heard my little girl’s shrieking.

“Mooooommmmmyyyyyyy!!!”

Thinking that her hair is on fire, I drop everything and go running into the house.

“My tooth lifted up! My tooth lifted up!”

I told her to be careful because now the tooth would come or anytime.

She couldn’t wait. She wanted the tooth out so that she could wait for the Tooth Fairy.

And when my husband walks in the door from work a bit later, she conned him into helping her get the tooth out.

She is a kindergartener, is six years old, and is now the proud owner of an evicted tooth

March 14, 2019

So, mental health is no joke. It is SO important for us to ask for help when we need it and to seek out professional strategies when we feel our brains imploding.

A few years ago, I experienced panic attacks out of nowhere. It was about 12 weeks after I gave birth to my second child. Now, the drs are telling me that what I went through was postpartum anxiety.

I never want to feel the way I did during that month-long stint of spiraling panic. I can’t even describe it, other than to feel like I had a ball of yarn within me that continuously unraveled.

Since then, I’ve sought help for my panic and anxiety, which after a few shifts, has me in a much better path.

Today, I am proud to say that my husband visited a therapist for the second time to get some guidance and help with his own anxiety. Just listening to him talk about his visit transports me back to when my anxiety was at an all-time high. And, a lightbulb went off in my head: my husband and I seem to have a similar trigger when it comes to our anxiety.

So, now I take it a step further in this slicing of mine today, which is serving as a relief for my pondering thoughts: are the similarities in both my husband’s and my anxiety going to cause an issue within our marriage now that we recognize it?

I can feel the anxiousness already starting to heat up…

March 13, 2019

My little girl is not so little anymore.

She is six, sassy, smart, sweet, and sometimes, sneaky!

My daughter turned six a few weeks ago, and I swear, a switch went off inside of her. She seems so different to my husband and me all of the sudden!

Like, tonight, as I’m listening to her go on about – I don’t even remember anymore because it was already two hours ago, and I’m fried – and I look at her, thinking how are you six? It feels like a second ago I was nervously holding you as an infant in my arms.

Of course, she gives me that doe-eyed look of hers, I kiss her on her forehead, and I tuck the Mommy sadness away for another “they grow up so fast” slap in the face.

March 13, 2019

Well, I missed my post yesterday.

The jury is still out on whether I have a sinus infection, the flu, or strep.

Regardless, I feel like pure crap. Honestly, yesterday, I swear a truck hit me – even my toenails hurt. I went to urgent care and had to lay down on the table because it was painful to sit up straight.

I came home and collapsed in bed.

I took the day off again today…my students have not seen me since Thursday. I feel badly for my absence, as I know it’s hard for students to focus when I’m not there.

And I have not been able to give me 100% “mommyness” to my little ones either.

Whatever this thing is that kicked my immune system’s butt, it really has wiped me out these past 72 hours.

And so, it is with sadness that I realized that I never posted yesterday…